Father's Day Humor
Father's Day Humor
A. Letters
Dear Dad,
$chool i$ really great. I am making lot$ of friend$ and $tudying very hard. With all my $tuff, I $imply can't think of anything I need, $o if you would like, you can ju$t $end me a card, a$ I would love to hear from you.
Love,
Your $on
The Reply:(to the above)
Dear Son,
I kNOw that astroNOmy, ecoNOmics, and oceaNOgraphy are eNOugh to keep even an hoNOr student busy. Do NOt forget that the pursuit of kNOwledge is a NOble task, and you can never study eNOugh.
Dad
B. One evening a little girl and her parents were sitting around the table eating supper. The little girl said, "Daddy, you're the boss, aren't you?" Her Daddy smiled, pleased, and said yes. The little girl continued "That's because Mummy put you in charge, right?"
C. Today nearly 100 years have elapsed since the first father's Day was celebrated. Fathers of 1900 didn't have it nearly as good as fathers of today; but they did have a few advantages: In 1900, fathers prayed their children would learn English. Today, fathers pray their children will speak English.
D. "Fathers are the geniuses of the house because only a person as intelligent as we could fake such stupidity. Think about your father: He doesn't know where anything is. You ask him to do something, he messes it up and your mother sends you: "Go down and see what your father's doing before he blows up the house." He's a genius at work because he doesn't want to do it, and he knows someone will be coming soon to stop him." -- Bill Cosby
E. It is a wise father that knows his own child. - William Shakespeare
F. A company held a contest for kids with the theme: "The nicest thing My Father Ever Did For Me." One kid answered "He married my mother."
G. Did You Know?
There are more collect calls on Father's Day than any other day of the year.
An estimated $1 billion is spent each year in the United States for Father's Day gifts, but Dad is still paying the bill when it comes to telephone calls from the kids.
H. New and Improved
The little girl was sitting in her father's lap as he read her a goodnight story. From time to time, she would take her eye's off the book and reach up to touch his wrinkled cheek. By and by she was alternately stroking her own cheek, then his again.
Finally she spoke, "daddy, did God make you?"
"Yes, sweetheart" he answered, "God made me a long time ago."
"Oh she said," then "daddy, did God make me too?"
"Yes, indeed honey" he assured her. "God made you just a little while ago."
"Oh" she said. Feeling their respective faces again, she observed, "God's getting better at it now isn't he?"
I. My father is so old that when he was in school, history was called current affairs.
J. Dadisms
"You’re going to sit there until you eat your dinner. I don’t care if you sit there all night."
"Delayed obedience is disobedience. "
"When I say no, I mean no. Why? Because, that’s why."
"If you don’t stop crying, I’ll give you something to cry about."
"Two wrongs do not make a right."
"As long as you tried your hardest, that's all that matters."
"I’m spanking you because I love you. This hurts me a lot more than it hurts you."
"If I didn't hear it, you didn't say it! "
"Shape up or ship out."
"That’s so funny? Wipe that smile off your face."
"We’ll do it the right way. My way."
"Don't ask me, ask your mother."
"This is your last warning. "
"Four things come not back: time past, the spoken word, the sped arrow and a missed opportunity. "
"You'll realize the value of money once you start earning. "
"Son, don't ever get married. And tell that to your kids."
"Enough is enough! "
"Do what I say, not what I do."
"When I was your age.... "
Dear Dad,
$chool i$ really great. I am making lot$ of friend$ and $tudying very hard. With all my $tuff, I $imply can't think of anything I need, $o if you would like, you can ju$t $end me a card, a$ I would love to hear from you.
Love,
Your $on
The Reply:(to the above)
Dear Son,
I kNOw that astroNOmy, ecoNOmics, and oceaNOgraphy are eNOugh to keep even an hoNOr student busy. Do NOt forget that the pursuit of kNOwledge is a NOble task, and you can never study eNOugh.
Dad
B. One evening a little girl and her parents were sitting around the table eating supper. The little girl said, "Daddy, you're the boss, aren't you?" Her Daddy smiled, pleased, and said yes. The little girl continued "That's because Mummy put you in charge, right?"
C. Today nearly 100 years have elapsed since the first father's Day was celebrated. Fathers of 1900 didn't have it nearly as good as fathers of today; but they did have a few advantages: In 1900, fathers prayed their children would learn English. Today, fathers pray their children will speak English.
D. "Fathers are the geniuses of the house because only a person as intelligent as we could fake such stupidity. Think about your father: He doesn't know where anything is. You ask him to do something, he messes it up and your mother sends you: "Go down and see what your father's doing before he blows up the house." He's a genius at work because he doesn't want to do it, and he knows someone will be coming soon to stop him." -- Bill Cosby
E. It is a wise father that knows his own child. - William Shakespeare
F. A company held a contest for kids with the theme: "The nicest thing My Father Ever Did For Me." One kid answered "He married my mother."
G. Did You Know?
There are more collect calls on Father's Day than any other day of the year.
An estimated $1 billion is spent each year in the United States for Father's Day gifts, but Dad is still paying the bill when it comes to telephone calls from the kids.
H. New and Improved
The little girl was sitting in her father's lap as he read her a goodnight story. From time to time, she would take her eye's off the book and reach up to touch his wrinkled cheek. By and by she was alternately stroking her own cheek, then his again.
Finally she spoke, "daddy, did God make you?"
"Yes, sweetheart" he answered, "God made me a long time ago."
"Oh she said," then "daddy, did God make me too?"
"Yes, indeed honey" he assured her. "God made you just a little while ago."
"Oh" she said. Feeling their respective faces again, she observed, "God's getting better at it now isn't he?"
I. My father is so old that when he was in school, history was called current affairs.
J. Dadisms
"You’re going to sit there until you eat your dinner. I don’t care if you sit there all night."
"Delayed obedience is disobedience. "
"When I say no, I mean no. Why? Because, that’s why."
"If you don’t stop crying, I’ll give you something to cry about."
"Two wrongs do not make a right."
"As long as you tried your hardest, that's all that matters."
"I’m spanking you because I love you. This hurts me a lot more than it hurts you."
"If I didn't hear it, you didn't say it! "
"Shape up or ship out."
"That’s so funny? Wipe that smile off your face."
"We’ll do it the right way. My way."
"Don't ask me, ask your mother."
"This is your last warning. "
"Four things come not back: time past, the spoken word, the sped arrow and a missed opportunity. "
"You'll realize the value of money once you start earning. "
"Son, don't ever get married. And tell that to your kids."
"Enough is enough! "
"Do what I say, not what I do."
"When I was your age.... "
